Siphiwe and Lwethu’s wedding on November 28

On Saturday, November 28^th, Siphiwe and Lwethu got married.  For those of you who may not remember or who may be new to my blog, when I arrived in Swaziland Siphiwe was there on a two year assignment as a Pastor’s assistance and local preacher.  I think he was about 23 or 24 when I first arrived. He is very tall, kind of quiet but has a great sense of humor.  He is a wonderful young man.  He reminded me a lot of my sons.  He was my angel.  He went with me wherever I needed to go, showed me the ropes and introduced me to people.  He taught me a lot especially about the culture.  I call him my South African son.  I know that he has no idea how much his presence and help meant to me.  I’m not sure I could have made it through those first few months without him.  Over the year and a half that we were both in Swaziland, I also discovered that he has wisdom and spiritual insights way beyond his young years.  He left Swaziland last December to be an associate pastor in a church in South Africa.  He was taking correspondence courses during his assignment in Swaziland and during this past year in SA.  He passed all his courses and now will start a two year program at Seminary.

While in Swaziland, Siphiwe met a really nice young Swazi woman named Lwethu.  Even though he swore to me that he would never marry a Swazi woman because he was looking forward to going back to SA, love prevailed.  She is very sweet, pretty quiet but also has a great sense of humor.  She is going to make a very good pastor’s wife.

So, Saturday was the first part of their wedding.  It held in Swaziland.  The wedding was beautiful.  I cried. What more can I say?  Ok, so there is a bit more.  The wedding was very western and similar to what you might expect to see in the states.  The wedding was supposed to start at 9:30.  I arrived at 9:35 a bit upset I was late.  There was only one other person and the Bishop there.  About an hour later people started arriving and at 11:30, the wedding finally began.  The wedding was held at a hotel.  I don’t really know why, but I’m told weddings don’t necessarily happen in churches, evidently not even for Pastors.  The room was decorated in their colors: silver and hot pink.  They announce what their wedding colors are on the invitation.  It is amazing how many people came dressed in silver and hot pink.  The wedding program was very similar to the wedding I attended last September. (I wrote a blog on that wedding also.) I love how the bride’s attendants and the groomsmen dance down the isle.  Then the groom came in from the front of the accompanied by a female member of his family (I think a cousin).  He had his own music playing for his dance from the front of the room to about halfway down the isle.  His music was “How Great Thou Art”. (Yep, I cried for that too.)  His cousin sat down in the audience.  Then Lwethu walked down the isle on the arm of her very proud Uncle. (I didn’t realize until then that both of her parents had passed away.  Her Uncle raised her.)  They walk down the isle very, very slowly.  One thing I’ve noticed is that they leave the brides dress so long that some one has to move it each time she takes a step so she doesn’t trip on it.  Lwethu looked very, very nervous and I could tell she was crying.  I was so worried for her.  When they reached Siphiwe, the Minister performing the service asked who would give the bride away.  Her uncle responded and then Siphiwe and Lwethu walked the rest of the way to the front together.  I think that is real sweet.

The service was a bit different because so many ministers were involved.  Rev. France Mabuvso, a newly ordained full Reverend in Central Swaziland Circuit was the Master of Ceremonies.  Rev. Sikumbuzo Ngama, the former superintendent gave the opening prayer.  The Bishop, Rev. Sizwa, performed the service and signed the marriage certificate.  Rev. Kanana Nyamaka, the current superintendent for Central Swaziland Circuit gave the beneficiation.  Just before the benediction, all of the reverends and pastors who were attending circled the couple and prayed for them.  That was awesome.

After the vows were said and the rings exchanged, the Bishop had two chairs brought down from the table where the wedding party sits during the service.  This table is located where we would normally have an altar.  Siphiwe and Lwethu sat in front of the audience facing the Bishop.  The Bishop said he was going to speak to the Siphiwe and Lwethu but we would be able to hear what he had to say.  He also said he was going to speak in English because he “looses too many words when he has to speak in Siswati.”  I was so happy.  The Bishop spoke about colors and paint brushes.  Basically saying they can paint their marriage any color they choose.  They can paint it happy or paint it miserable.  It is their choice which they must make every day and they must paint it together.  He also told Siphiwe it was his job to totally love Lwethu.  And he told Lwethu it was her job to totally respect Siphiwe in all he does.  The Bishop went on to say that Siphiwe has to love Lwethu so much that she has no choice but to love him back and that she has to respect Siphiwe so much that he has no choice but to respect her back.  It was an interesting way to put it, but considering the culture it was the perfect way to make his point.  As the Bishop spoke, he required responses from both of them, and if he didn’t get an answer he asked the question again and didn’t move on until he got answer.  What pressure!

Just before the benediction, all of the reverends and pastors who were attending circled the couple and prayed for them.  That was awesome.  After the wedding a meal was served and just like in the US, Siphiwe and Lwethu went around to each guest and gave them a little box of mints.  There wasn’t a cake cutting ceremony because the cake is cut with the explanation of why they are cutting the cake as one during the wedding ceremony.  There also wasn’t dancing, but that may have been because shortly after the wedding and reception all of the family and certain “family representatives” headed to South Africa to where Siphiwe’s family lives.  Sunday morning there was another ceremony during which and they both wore their wedding clothes.  Then everyone changed into traditional clothing and the bride was taken to the groom’s family’s home.  She presented traditional gifts to the family and then there was a celebration meal which included a braai (cookout).

The only down point of the wedding, is the same thing that detracts from every service here.  Everyone takes pictures.  They just get up and walk right down in front no matter what is going on and take pictures.   I kept thinking that in the US, the bride and the photographer would be furious that this was happening.  I couldn’t get very many pictures, in part because there was always someone taking a picture in the way.

It was a great day. And I pray the young couple will be very happy and find a way to grow in their marriage to each other and their love of the Lord even though for part of the time they will be separated because of his studies and then possibly because of where he will be assigned as a minister.  Their life won’t be easy, but I am sure it will be very blessed.

Thanksgiving Day

I am writing this from the airport in Johannesburg, South Africa.  I am on my way back to Texas for the holidays.  I will return to Swaziland towards the end of February.  The past week or so has been very full and a lot has happened.  I will try to update you a little bit at a time over the next few days in an attempt to shorten the blog postings.

Last Thursday (Thanksgiving Day) we went to pay a home visit on a family out in the rural area.  The family consists of a mother, father, two grown children and an auntie.  All of them are mentally challenged; some obviously more than others.  As is usually the case, it is hard to see the severe need and conditions.  But one thing I noticed is how involved the community was in helping the family.  The family's mud and stick houses had collapsed in the rain but the community came together to rebuild them for the family.  They even put in a very nice concrete floor.  It was elevated just a bit above the ground so that even in a severe downpour the water won't seep through. 

As I sat there looking at the beautiful blue sky with white clouds and bright green grass on the hills I couldn't help but be so thankful that I get to spend my Thanksgiving Day out in the rural area of Swaziland with dear, sweet sisters in Christ.  As I sat marveling at how beautiful God's creation is, praying for the people in the homestead as well as at home in the States I made a long mental list of blessings I am so thankful for.  I was going to post them on my blog, but time got away from me and it didn't happen.  Every day since then has been full of nonstop commitments or things to tie up before leaving for the States.

As always, there is a brief worship center with prayers, songs and speeches before we hand out the clothes or whatever we bring.

Thini brought one of the orange boxes that were donated to the Manyano several months ago.  They have basic home care items in them such as gloves, soap, Vaseline, bandages, notebook, pen, etc. that one might need to use when visiting a homestead, especially if the person is sick.  Thini, the amazing, wonderful loving spirit that she is did her little dance while singing praises to the Lord as she brought the box over to the CCS (Christian Care Service) for that community.

After visiting the homestead the three of us stopped by to visit Nomile which of course we all enjoyed.  Then I rushed home for a shower and then went up to Mbabane to Steve and Monica's house for thanksgiving dinner. They are long term missionaries from the US.  It was a wonderful time in beautiful surroundings filled with beautiful Christian fellowship.   I am very thankful for the opportunity God has given me to serve Him in Swaziland.

I think my Wi-Fi time is about up so I will continue with more updates when I arrive in Washington, DC.  It will give me something to do in my 6 hour layover before I board a plane to Austin.

Today's Pics

The following two pictures were taken from the inside of my car when we pulled up to Lomngeletjane.  The kids just swarmed my car.  I actually had to tell some of the kids to "hamba" (go) in an attempt to get them to back away just a bit from my car so I wouldn't drive over their toes!  And then there were so many hands for me to touch as I said hello to each child.  And of course there was the other Nothando.  She always comes up and stands quietly by me with a big smile waiting for me to say "Hi Nothando" to her.  She thinks it is so great that we have the same name.  Oh to be loved and wanted.  I am going to miss all these kids while I am in the States but I can't allow myself to think of that yet.

Nomile has hit her goal weight of 8.6 kg (almost 19 lbs)!  Normally she would be released tomorrow, but we have to find a place for her to go.  Please keep praying that they don't make her go back to her grandparent's house or surrounding area, and that the social worker can get her into ABC House in Bulembu.

Thoko gave me a pair of sandals to take to Nomile.  They were a little big on her but she loved them.  Most of the time she was trying to take them off and then put them back on again.  She was making sounds even more today than yesterday.  I swear she said "down" one time after I said it to her.

And Nomile is no longer afraid of the camera.  When she saw the flash when I took the first picture she laughed out loud and then wanted to come closer while I did it again.  She also liked looking at herself on the camera.

Oh, but she cried so when I put her back in her crib and said bye-bye.  It breaks my mother's heart, just as it did every day when my kids were little and I would have to say good bye to them when I went off to work.

More on Nomile!

What a day.  I got a few things done this morning that I had planned, but not as much as I had hoped considering I only have a l little more than a week before I leave to come home.  However, the big thing that happened today is that Thoko gave Nomile's grandfather transport money so he could come meet us at the hospital and talk to Nomile's social worker.  She thought he would probably feel more free to tell the real story if the grandmother wasn't around.  (Thoko is sure that his wife, Nomile's grandmother abuses him as well.)  We were supposed to meet him at the hospital at noon, but Thoko was in a meeting that went longer than she thought it would.  So by the time Thoko and I went to the hospital it was close to 2:00.  We didn't see him outside where she had told him to meet her so we went to see Nomile.  We walked in the door and the grandfather was sitting on a chair.  Nomile was sitting in her crib.  My heart stopped. I really didn't want the grandfather to see Nomile, especially without Thoko and I because I was worried how Nomile would react or what was going through her little mind.   Nomile was not her normal self.  I've noticed that when there is more than one person giving her attention, she doesn't seem to be able to handle it.  She just kind of withdraws into her original behavior.  I've also noticed if something is uncomfortable, such as when she wets her nappie, that she briefly withdraws.  I wasn't surprised to find her unresponsive again.

To my surprise, she did hold her hands out to me and let me hold her and rock her.  She leaned her head against my lips, the signal for more kisses.  She gave a couple of small smiles, but not even close to what I saw yesterday.  Thoko said the grandfather could not believe she was the same child.  Thoko took him to speak with the social worker and I stayed with Nomile. (Aw, too bad...NOT!)  Nomile and I had such fun.  She is now saying "bababa" and I said "mamamama" to her and she repeated me.  She was reaching out for me to play with her even more than yesterday.  All of the nurses and workers that came into the room said they couldn't believe what a different child she is.  I stood her on the floor today.  She had a ball exploring, playing with the balloon, a telephone rattle I bought her last week and a toy truck.  But what she really liked was trying to sneak by me while I tried to tickle her tummy.  She also liked walking into the main ward.  The first time she did it she waved bye-bye to me!  I would run after her, throwing her into the air and blowing on her tummy and she would just squeal.  It was such a joy.  Thoko and the Grandfather were with the social worker for about two hours.

When Thoko came back, she told me that the grandfather told the social worker everything.  The story is unbelievable.  The grandfather was actually praying that the grandmother would kill the child so that she would be out of her pain and misery.  I can understand his desperation, but a grandparent praying that prayer is beyond my comprehension.  He told the social worker about the shack she had to sleep in alone whether it was cold, hot or raining.  He told her he thought she would die by the end of the day the morning he had another child carry her to Thoko's house.  He told the social worker that the child couldn't come home and couldn't even go home with someone in the area because his wife would make life miserable for Nomile and whoever took her in.  Thoko talked to her about the ABC House at Bulembu and the social worker said they could probably make that happen but that they wouldn't be able to put her up for adoption.  I assume the main reason is because there is not documented proof that the father and mother of the child are alive or dead.  Thoko told the social worker that we didn't care about that, but that she and I wanted the child to be in a place where we knew she would be loved and cared for.  She also told her that I would really like to know the child will be safe before I leave for home.  The social worker said the grandfather would have to sign an affidavit and he said he would sign it.  He does not want her to come home.  I had chills as Thoko was telling me about the visit.  On one hand the behavior of the grandparents is unfathomable to me; on the other hand I am thanking God for wrapping his arms around this child and saving her.  I want to cry and shout for joy at the same time.  Nothing is a done deal yet, so we have to be cautious and diligent to make this happen, but I know in my heart that the Lord is answering all of our prayers.  And the grandfather is now saying a prayer of thanks and praying that the child gets moved to ABC House or someplace that will love and care for Nomile.

The social worker that is in charge of Nomile's case is on holiday this week, so we will have to follow up with her next Monday, but Thoko said both social workers had been to visit Nomile and said that it was so clearly evident that the child had been abused.  I think just about everyone knows Nomile's story.  I was actually almost as afraid for the grandfather when he entered the malnutrition unit as I was for Nomile's reaction.  Lucky for him, all of the mothers and babies who were there when she was admitted have now gone.

By the way, the grandfather and Nomile look a lot a like.  You can certainly tell they are related.  And in case you haven't gathered, Nomile has discovered the camera isn't a bad thing!  This last picture is her making her great little motor boat sound. 

Rain, rain went away so I could go out and play (with Nomile)

Thursday Thoko and I went to measure some of the Lutsandvo Lwa Krestu kids at Lutfotja for uniforms, shoes, etc. and to see how they are doing.  It was another cold, rainy day.  The roads were really bad.  We went to the High School to ask when school reports were coming out and I just slipped and slid down the road.  When we got back to Manzini Thoko and I stopped in to see Nomile.  Nomile was in a bad mood.  I think she wasn't feeling well.  We couldn't get a smile out of her no matter how hard we tried and she didn't want to be held or touched.  We stayed for a little while and then left.  It was still raining.  It rained all night long and all day Friday and Friday night without letting up.  By Friday, I was so tired of looking at the torrent of water and the mud and being cold that I stayed home all day with a blanket wrapped around me.  I didn't even go visit Nomile, which I did feel bad about.

Saturday morning the rain stopped.  Briefly.  I did some things on the computer and then decided I better eat some breakfast.  Breakfast didn't go in my stomach well but I kept going.  I went to visit one of the members of St. Paul's that had some clothes to give Lutsandvo Lwa Krestu.  We visited for a couple of hours and by then it had stopped raining for good.  My plan was to go from her house to the hospital.  By the time I left her house I was achy, really sick to my stomach and my head hurt so i went home.  Tylenol helped.  This morning I awoke to the sun shining, birds singing and the sounds of soccer players glad to be playing after so many days of rain.  I was feeling better, but still not great.  So I took more Tylenol and took a nap instead of going to church.  By afternoon I was feeling a bit better and went to see Nomile.  I was feeling real bad that no one had gone to see her since Thursday and that was not a good visit.

I walked into the Malnutrition Unit and she was lying in her bed, but she smiled as soon as she saw me.  I laid my head down on the bed with her and talked to her and then started tickling her.  I just love that sweet girl's laugh.  It is so precious.  I spent about three hours playing with her, giving her the special milk to drink a couple of times, rocking and singing to her.  I brought some bubbles but she didn't really know what to think about them.  The greatest thing is that she is now making some noise and she initiated touching me (hitting my hand and patting me as I rocked her).  She is the best little motor boat there is and she was making all the little sounds I've been making to her.  Once she even said "ba" when I blew the bubbles.  I held her for a long time singing "Jesus Loves You" to her and she was humming with me.  (I have this thing that I always change the words to Jesus Love You when I'm singing to a baby or little one.  I know He loves me, I want them to know He loves them.)  The ladies and nurse's aide kept laughing at how happy she was.  I understood as a new mom said to one of the moms that has been there for awhile that I loved Nomile.  Towards the end while I was rocking her she cuddled her head up next to my neck and fell asleep.  I tried to put her in her crib so I could leave, but of course she woke up and cried.  I held my hands out and she got up and came to me.  I could tell the mothers thought I was spoiling her.  But as I rocked her, I whispered in her ear that Grandma Shirley (my mom) would say I'm not spoiling her.  She would say Nomile just needs to be held and rocked a little more.  Soon it was time for her to have another drink of her milk, and after that I kissed her goodbye and left.  She didn't cry, but those big sad eyes of hers make me feel so bad when I leave her.

it is amazing what a couple of hours holding a precious little one, singing and laughing will do for a person's emotional, physical and spiritual health.  By the way, she weighs 8.1 kg.

Most of the kids that were in the malnutrition unit have been released.  Only three other kids that have been there for a while still remain and one of them is an orphaned child born to parents from Mozambique.  They don't know what they are going to do with her, so in the meantime they keep her in the malnutrition unit where she receives a bit more care and it's not as noisy as it is on the regular ward.  They've moved Nomile into the crib next to hers.  Most people play and talk to both children as they walk by.  There was a new small child.  I don't know the child's age and the mother must not speak English.  The child is quite a bit taller than Nomile.  But the child was either seizing most of the time I was there, or has very, very severe cerebral palsy.  My guess is she was having slight seizures and has severe cerebral palsy.  That was real sad to see.  I know there isn't going to be much that can be done for the child.  The mother was taking such care in feeding it spoonfuls of milk; wiping the child's mouth after every spoonful.  The child reminded me of a few of the kids I worked with at the State home in Southern Indiana.  I can't believe the pain and hardship the mothers and the children who are handicapped endure in this country.  I am even more amazed that so many handicapped children and adults are alive because not that long ago they would have been killed.  I know that many of these children are alive because their mothers or gogos refused to follow cultural tradition and kept them alive many times risking abuse to themselves and certainly not receiving any help to care for the child.  That is true love.

Thoko and Samkelisiwe,  Samkelisiwe was so sick when we first met her in August of 2008.  Doesn't she have a beautiful smile?







The Lutsandvo Lwa Krestu kids from Lutfotja.  Our little family has grown.  We are now seeing that 14 children get to the clinic to get their monthly ARVs and medical care for other illnesses as needed.  We have about 6 or 7 families that we help in other ways as appropriate.